When Squirrels Go Bad
by Hawiian Girl
Summary: When Sirius Black accidentally creates an army of super intelligent squirrels, who knows what will happen? Prequel to Mistletoe Madness.


A/N: This is a sort-of prequel to Mistletoe Madness, but you don't have to read this to understand that one, or vice versa. Have a safe and happy holiday season, everyone!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I _do _own the super-intelligent squirrel army. They are currently staying in my basement with my brother's band.

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When Lily Evans woke up on the first day of the Christmas holidays, she didn't expect to see anything. That's because Lily usually kept her eyes closed for at least twenty minutes and thought about very strange things, mostly if moles had an underground society. But today her bottle green eyes shot wide open and she grabbed her wand from her bedside table.

"Lily, get up. Now. We need to run." Ana Lupin stood over her best friend's bed, wand in hand. Lily was up and dressed exactly one and a half minutes later.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked. Emma Sanders was attaching a Wizarding Survival Kit to a bulging backpack. There was now cause for alarm. Lily's clock read three thirty, and Emma never had surfaced before ten on a weekend or holiday before.

"We need to get into a safe place. If we can find a room somewhere, that'll be great. But they might have blocked them all by now." Ana tossed Lily a pair of thick socks and some snow boots.

"Who might have blocked them all?" Lily hopped on one foot, struggling to put on her sock.

"The squirrels." Ana threw a fur-lined cloak onto Lily's bed. "This has protection charms on it, and warmth charms. You should be fine." Ana went back to digging in her trunk for another cloak.

"What squirrels?" Lily demanded, feeling the entire world had gone mad. "Why would I need protection charms?"

"Somehow an army of magic impervious, intelligent squirrels got into Hogwarts. I blame Sirius. This should work. Here, Emma." Ana had located another fur-lined cloak, which she handed to the blond girl.

While Emma donned the cloak, Ana marched to the closet and selected three pairs of snug gloves and three pairs of fleecy mittens. In a minute, with not too few muttered curses, Ana emerged with a pair of gloves and mittens in each of three hats.

"Take these." Ana passed out two of the bundles and donned one herself. "Now, we've wasted enough time. We need to leave."

Lily wordlessly followed the brunette and blond who snuck close to the walls down the staircase.

There was absolutely no explanation for this.

-----

"Sirius, this has got to be your dumbest idea yet." Remus Lupin was fuming. "Where in the name of Chocolate Frogs did you find a charm for making an army of intelligent squirrels?"

"Restricted section. Relax, we're safe in the Shrieking Shack." Sirius said casually.

"But my sister is still in there." Remus looked out of a tiny crack in a boarded up window towards the school. Yes, he was safe, but his other half was in danger. "I'm going back."

"Are you barmy? Those squirrels will take you hostage!" James had returned from lookout duty. He looked rather stupid in army fatigues and a helmet.

"They'll take Ana hostage if I don't hurry." Remus buttoned his long Muggle overcoat and jammed gloves on his hands.

"Take ammunition. Sirius used the spell that made them impervious to magic." James handed Remus what appeared to be a gun. "It only shoots acorns, which will distract them long enough for you to run."

Remus tucked the gun into his pocket. "Where do you _find _these things?"

"Zonko's back room," James answered promptly.

"You got into the _back room_? I've been trying to get in there for years!" Sirius exclaimed indignantly. James just grinned cockily as Remus left the Shrieking Shack and Sirius continued to gape.

-----

"Okay, History of Magic Room is out." Ana crossed the name of the classroom off her list. Lily stumbled out of the room with some difficulty due to the first year clinging to her right foot.

"Let go of me! You'll be fine in there!" Lily managed to shake the hysterical girl off her leg.

"Lily! Stop fooling around, we need to get to safety!" Ana snapped as she and Emma ducked down a side hallway. Lily ran to catch up, glancing behind her as she did so. Like clockwork, a small, fluffy, quite adorable red-brown squirrel bounded down the hallway on its patrol.

"Where are we going now, genius?" Lily hissed as the girls sprinted down a staircase.

Ana glared at the redhead. "We're going to the Great Hall and taking a stand."

Emma stopped suddenly. "We're _what_?"

"We're going to fight the squirrel army," Ana stated calmly as she peeked around a corner.

"Um, no we aren't," Lily said in a strange tone.

"Of course we are! Are you a Gryffindor or not, woman!" Ana whisper-yelled.

"We aren't going to fight the squirrels because they've found us." Lily had her wand out and was backing away from the approaching company of squirrels, nearly a hundred.

"You might have mentioned this before, Lily. You know, when they weren't surrounding us on all sides?" Emma said, scanning the area for a way out.

"Take them." It was a surprisingly deep voice that said this, though it came from a particularly cute gray squirrel, perhaps the leader.

"Run!" Ana screamed, taking her own advice as the squirrels scampered towards them. Lily and Emma weren't far behind, but they were surrounded and highly outnumbered.

"I'm going to _kill_ Sirius Black."

-----

Back in the Shrieking Shack, the mood was much lighter. Peter was zonked out in the red and gold Gryffindor tent, while James and Sirius played Exploding Snap.

"I wonder if Remus found them yet?" James asked as he poured water over the small fire the cards had started.

"Moony will be fine. He always is." Sirius remarked disinterestedly.

"Yeah. Want to have one of your Christmas presents now?" James asked brightly. Sirius immediately came to attention. James chucked a horribly wrapped gift in his friend's general direction.

"Magically Enhanced Mistletoe," Sirius read once he had ripped off the paper. "Groovy! Thanks, mate!"

"Groovy?" Peter asked, emerging from the tent.

"You got a problem, Jose?" Sirius asked roughly, adopting what he obviously deemed a 'tough' voice.

Peter rolled his eyes and didn't comment. The conversation was rapidly forgotten as the partner to the mirror still in the boy's dorm lit up and emitted a loud Christmas melody.

"Now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right here!" Sirius sang along to the tune, ecstatic the charm had worked.

"I guess Moony found them," James said as he answered the mirror. To his unpleasant surprise, he did not see the face of his friend, but a gray squirrel wearing a red cape with a high, stiff collar.

"Sirius, it's for you." James passed the mirror to the other teenager. Sirius glared at the squirrel within.

"Psycho! What have you done with my friend?" Sirius demanded. Psycho laughed, a strange sound coming from a squirrel.

"It's interesting you should ask that, Mr. Black." The mirror pivoted and the scene inside showed not Psycho but Ana and Remus Lupin dangling over a cauldron full of something red.

"Sirius, I'm going to _murder_ you! This time I'm not joking!" Ana screamed as she tucked her knees up to her waist, which Sirius knew from personal experience took a lot of muscle when in her posistion.

"What she means is, come save us, you bloody idiot!" Remus screamed, kicking at the edge of the cauldron as if hoping to tip it over.

"Surrender the wand you used to bring us into existence, and I shall let your friends go!" Psycho said, a maniac glint in his liquid black eyes. The screen went blank.

"I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy after this." James picked up the remaining two acorn guns and tossed one to Sirius. "Let's go."

"What about me?" Peter demanded as the other two started to leave. James paused and turned back.

"Sirius needs to go because Psycho asked for him, and I'm going because I'm the owner of the guns! Besides, you have to stay here incase Psycho calls again." Without another word, the two dark-haired boys snuck out of the shack and down the passageway, Sirius humming the Mission Impossible theme.

-----

"Remind me again how we got captured by _squirrels_? I mean, they're squirrels! They shouldn't even be talking!" Ana was near hysterical as she dangled over the boiling cauldron.

"Ana, shut up and help me," Remus hissed to his twin. Ana did so, helping to kick at the edge of the cauldron. By some small miracle, both of the teenagers managed to kick the edge at precisely the same time.

"Look out!" Ana screamed as the cauldron tipped over. Red liquid spread over the centuries old stones.

"Eep!" Lily and Emma skirted the potion and frantic squirrels as they ran towards the twins. It was short work to cut them down with the machete Lily had for some reason.

"Where'd you get the machete, anyway?" Ana asked as she dropped to the floor.

"Zonko's back room," Lily answered. "Somebody mind telling me where all the squirrels went?" For all the squirrels had inexplicably vanished from the hall.

"This is the weirdest Christmas ever." Ana muttered, grabbing her wand from the floor where Psycho had put it earlier as her friends and brother exited the Great Hall.

"End game." The deep voice of Psycho said behind her. Ana froze and went stiff.

"Oh no, the games are just beginning!" If anything could be said about Sirius Black, it was that he knew how to make an entrance. "Ana, don't move."

Sirius had literally appeared from thin air, and Ana had a suspicion that he had been using James's invisibility cloak. He appeared to be pointing a Muggle gun right at her.

"Sirius, I know you and I don't really get along, but do you have to kill me?" Ana asked nervously. A bullet from this range would kill her in minutes.

"Ana, just trust me." Sirius aimed the gun and pulled the trigger. Out flew…acorns? Psycho squeaked and scampered after the nut.

Ana ran from the squirrel towards Sirius, who put his wand in the air and shouted some words in Latin. There was a flash of white light and Psycho disappeared.

"I'm blind!" Lily yelled dramatically from the doorway. She stood in a small mob that included herself, Emma, Remus, and James. Ana shook her head and turned to Sirius.

"That's it?" The brunette demanded, her wavy chestnut locks falling into her face. "No battle, just a counter-curse?"

Sirius nodded nervously. One never knew what to expect with Ana Lupin. But when he was met with the stinging pain of one of her famous slaps upside the head, Sirius was somewhat prepared.

"Ow! What was that for, woman?" Sirius rubbed the tender spot carefully as he glared at Ana.

"For releasing an army of super intelligent squirrels into Hogwarts!" Ana shouted.

"I saved you, didn't I?" Sirius yelled back.

Ana cocked her head to the side, considering this. "I suppose you did. Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sirius slung an arm around the shorter girl's shoulders. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sirius."

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A/N: This is a sort of prequel to Mistletoe Madness because I mention the mistletoe and used the same characters. Happy holidays, and remember,

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